CHRIS HELLFAUCET (hellfaucet) wrote in simple_mind,


Pseudo Normal Section

1. name:
2. e-mail:
3. age:
4. what's the best way for a person to stop biting his/her kneecaps?
5. true or false?
6. what do you think is the best place to go on the internet?
7. how will you make your fortune in life?
8. how can I help it if I think you're funny when you're sad? I’m trying hard not to laugh at your silly ass, though I feel bad.
9. why?
10. why not?
11. Are our quizzes lame?
12. what are your favorite movies:
13. are WE as stupid as we think you are?
14. favorite color:
15. hair color:
16. eye color:
17. are you “phat” ?
18. favorite bands:
19. favorite book and author:
20. favorite poet:
21. what is a hood (as many definitions as you’d like)?
22. is Willy Wonka really a reverend?
23. what is your worst fear:
24. what Word Best Describes You:
25. are carcinogens your deal?
26. drugs anyone?
27. describe cannabis:
28. are you a misanthrope?:
29. describe your current mood:
30. favorite TV show:
31. are you religious, if so what religion?
32. If you were a Christian, did the holy-palmed priests like to touch you in your 'special' places during Sunday school?
33. Astrological Sign:
34. How old are your parents?
35. You are driving north of west Grand River, do you turn on Fenkell?
36. Are your grandparents racist bigots?
37. If Annemarie were to walk in Marrianne's flowers, what'd happen?
38. What is 'Detroit Techno?' How Would You Describe Yourself?:
39. To 'Goth' or not to 'Goth'?
40. Is that the question?
41. Do you think this section is SUX so far?
42. Do you want to be an airborne ranger?
43. Live a life of danger… with smegma?
44. Who's yo' daddy?
45. Gang Garee or Drunken Noodles?
46. Where does the love of God go when the waves turn the minutes to hours?
47. Does Coleman Young walk among us?
48. What the hell is "gatt" or a "glock:?
49. Guess who's coming?
50. Can it be the sun descending o'er the level plain of water?
51. Is Santa Claus a faggot?
52. Am I a military fairy?
53. Monty Python! cool or gruel?
54. Pink Floyd or Fred Penner (you must pick one or the other!!)
55. Do you Prefer Cool Whip or Whipped Cream?
56. In a fight who would win, Cookie Monster or Trojan Man?

The Moogle’s Bagpipes Have Blown

describe the picture that appears in your mind or what you think of when you hear each phrase/word.

57. paranoia:

58. elevator music:
59. life in the ghettos:
60. nkotb:
61. gratitude:
62. peace:
63. hunger:
64. hate:
65. a naked male/female:
66. mr. rogers:
67. scooby doo:
68. a fetus in a specimen jar:
69. mc hammer:
70. let me hear ya say uhhh!!!!:
71. manamana:
72. rubberband:
73. oxy:
74. mofo:
75. strawberry shortcake:
76. cyber-core:

77. homie:
78. niggs:
79. vanilla ice:
80. g-funk:
81. synthetic apeshit:

coming up soon!!! interactive word frenzzzy!!

The Stinky Cheez Sekshun

1. Ho-Say or Joe-Sey:
2. Creed:
3. Birthplace:
4. School:
5. Bacon bits or croutons:
6. Favorite salad dressing:
7. What type of anti-oxidant do you use:
8. Favorite shampoo or conditioner:
9. Is your best friend your computer?:
10. Good friends:
11. Eight pillows or Three Cats?
12. Pets:
13. Favorite type of mindless consumerism:
14. Favorite genre of music:
15. Hobbies:
16. Do you wish the Ice Cream man was your daddy?
17. Type of car you drive:
18. Word or phrases you overuse:
19. Toothpaste, what is it made of?
20. Favorite food:
21. Most fucked up thing that ever happened to you:
22. Do you get along with your parental slave drivers?
23. Favorite town to chill in:
24. Favorite creamy ice:
25. Favorite carbonated beverage:
26. When's your naptime:
27. Favorite shoes:
28. Favorite ambient song at the moment:
29. Favorite subject in school:
30. Least favorite subject:
31. Define “pig”:
32. Most homophying experience:
33. Most fucked up person you know:
34. Favorite Holy-day:
35. What kind of work do you do:
36. Are you an indoors or outdoors person?
37. Do you have a child?
38. If so… how many think they’re the shit?
39. Say something about the person that sent you this:
40. Pierce your nose or tongue?
41. Be silly-willy or be funny-wunny?
42. Boxers or briefs on guys….. or nuttin’?
43. Whole or skim milk?
44. Single or taken?
45. Simple or complicated?
46. Law nihilism, or anarchy?
47. Flowers or angels?
48. People are mechanical?
49. Read or write?
50. Are we all cybernoid mofo invaders from Project “GANGLIA”?
51. Sunrise or sunset?
52. Rap or rock?
53. Stay up late or wake up late?
54. Which is more fun to get kinky in… bath tub or shower:
55. Is it POP or SODA?
56. What do YOU call a three armed man with no penis?
57. Touching trees is fun?
58. Eat a dog or a cat?
59. What came first:
60. Milli-Vanilli or NKOTB?
61. Light or dark nail polish?
62. Tall or short guys?
63. Emerald or ruby?
64. Pants or long skirt?
65. Left or right?
66. 10 Acquaintances or 1 best friend?
67. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?
68. Michael JACKSON or Vanilla Ice?
69. Green beans or carrots?
70. What kind of fat do you like?
71. Ponytail or leave it down?
72. Silver jewelry or gold ghett-O jewelry?
73. Don’t you hate kids!?
74. Cat or dog?
75. Half empty or half full?
76. Grey Poupon or catchup?
77. Hardcover or soft-cover books?
78. Newspaper or magazine?
79. Sandals or sneakers?
80. Red car or white car?
81. How stinky really is this survey?
82. Are twats greener on the other side?
83. Hug or kiss?
84. Leather or Lace?
85. Happy or sad?
86. Live or die?


write your immediate reaction to whatever is written here.

1. curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back :

2. you have nothing to fear but fear itself:

3. carpe diem:

4. life is like a box of cold egg rolls:

5. do unto others as you would have them do unto you:

6. Saddam Hussein really likes your feces:

7. what the fuck is this shit? (if you said this at any time during this survey, please describe when and why):

8. do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law:

9. love is law, love under will:

10. won't you be my neighbor?

11. Mmm' bop! Doo Wop! Dooopy Dop! Bop! Doo Wop! Mmm Bop!…..

12. cosmos:

The Mofo-Ho Sekshun

With enormous help by Jem, leader of the Neo-Celestial Empire…. ZOOOOOM!!!!

1. What’s ur mom’s weight multiplied by the distance to the sun?
2. Define Electrolux MHU-Senior robot:
3. Does the noise in my head bother you?
4. What (who) do you do with a plunger?
5. The gods must be crazy:
6. Cherry coke: sin or salvation?
7. If you stare long enough into the abyss, does it stare back into you?
8. What about your dog?
9. Does your nose make you defecate?
10. Does your ejaculate cause you to worry?
11. Do you enjoy the silence?
12. What is high fructose corn syrup?
13. Is it good on saltines?
14. Change this sentence however you want, but DO NOT add words: "What costs less than a buck?"
15. Liber Al Legis - Sub Figura CCXX as delivered by XXCIII == 418 to DCLXVI.
16. The planet of the shapes?
17. Do you want to play Questions?
18. Who is Frater Perdurabo?
19. Things are as they seem?
20. Got milk?
21. Who’s yo sensei?
22. When is the time for cake and sodomy?
23. If you turn a screw left, and then right, and then left, and then left, and then left, and then right, where would you end up?
24. What is special about February 14, 1997?
25. What is the Frowny Faced Empire?
26. Is everyone beautiful? Are all of us superstars? (Do you want to turn the whole world on?)
27. Do you like my tin horn, boy?
28. What the fuck is Contemporary Seafood? (248.646.7003 – ask these dumb bitches)
29. Pimp or ho? What about ur dog?
30. Beauty is a gift, or a curse?
31. A(n) ________ walks into a bar, the bartender says:
32. What is the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
33. If you were going to be dead, which one of these things would you do before you die:

a) sodomize the president with a lit Cuban cigar?
b) strip naked, sell all of your material possessions to the Ethiopian potbellies, and then rub
sulfuric acid all over your genitals to die in pain?
c) fuck your sister, stab her in the cootch, and the defecate on yourself like tubgirl ?
d) join the FMF and adopt a sensei
Bonus option X! :: succumb to the Cave of the Drummers

34. Beer, steers or queers?
35. What is your favourite Stanley Kubrick filme?

The Gumby Survey has been left out for reasons of posterity. Sorry.
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